what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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