I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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