Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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