Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
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