Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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