What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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