also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
