It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
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