it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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