he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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