It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
