I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
