you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
