i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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