I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
