boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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