Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
