she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
