Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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