I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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