Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
