Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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