did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
