do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
