after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize