You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
