I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize