I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
