soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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