It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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