i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
