I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
