hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
