Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
