I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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