What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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