So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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