i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
3pm strippers are depressing
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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