Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
