Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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