She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize