At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Who died my cat blue again?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
