She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
