Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
