Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
