Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
