I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
