apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
