you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
How does it feel to date your dad?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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