Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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