Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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