Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
