I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I don't think brook has ever known best
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Randomize
