That's when you crack a 10am beer
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
