Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
two words...techno handjob
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
