I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
