it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
