so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
