i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
