Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
