so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
