and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
