That's intense
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
