well you can't waste a boner
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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